In the game of Fantasy Social Engineering, you can do all manner of things. You can storm into every one of Mr Cameron’s 120,000 “troubled families”, and pluck the children from dysfunction. You can sequestrate every country house hotel, turning them into Etons for the disadvantaged with money hypothecated from a 90 per cent surcharge on bank profits and bonuses. You can seize half the wealth of Roman Abramovich, Philip Green and the rest, and create a phalanx of superteachers, on £150,000 per annum. You can impose a windfall tax on energy companies to restore and double the Education Maintenance Bribe for 16-year-olds and scrap tuition fees for all but the wealthiest. You can scrap Trident and reduce the Army to a defensive force, using the funds to turn young offenders’ institutions into the Elysian fields of rehabilitation. And then you can wait 20 years to see how that works out for the next generation.

Matthew Norman

I’ve got to be honest: this gave the 18-year-old in me an erection.